Tips for Weaning Your Toddler
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends children be breastfed for at least two years. Although it is unusual to see many mothers in the United States and some other industrialized countries nursing for this long, the worldwide average age of weaning is actually closer to 4. For the mother that follows the WHO recommendation, nursing for two, three, or even four, or five years, weaning doesn’t have to mean an end to the mothering style that extended breastfeeding promotes.
The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends children be breastfed for at least two years.
Weaning a child after the age of 2 can be either a very trying experience for both mother and baby or it can be a smooth transition in which it seems as if the child weans himself. Either way, weaning from the breast is a process that takes guidance, patience, and lots of love and reassurance.
The Different Needs of an Older Child
Children that breastfeed to at least their second birthday continue to do so primarily for the comfort of breastfeeding rather then the nourishment. The physical need for breast milk is not as great as it was during the first days, months or year. However, it can often become vital to a child’s security or comfort to breastfeed, so toddlers and preschoolers may be reluctant to give it up.
Kathy Richard, a mother from the Boston area, says, “I realized that at my son’s age, just over 2 years, he wasn’t nursing for nourishment, but for comfort. I said to him one night, ‘Kev, why don’t we just cuddle instead of nurse today.’ From that moment on, whenever he felt the need to nurse, we would get in the rocker and I would just rock him and cuddle him.”
By the age of 2, breastfeeding is not a child’s only means of feeding. As solid foods are typically introduced before the first birthday and table foods shortly after, a young child will probably be eating more meals at the table with the family then from the breast. Gale Prachniak, a lactation consultant and program coordinator at Woman and Infant’s hospital in Rhode Island says, “Even if it wasn’t intended, a mother who is breastfeeding a small child, age 2 or older, has already begun the weaning process. By offering the child solid foods in replacement of the breast, the child has been weaned from these feedings.”
Making the Decision When to Wean
There are various reasons a mother will decide to wean their child, regardless of age. The decision to go back to work, divorce with overnight visitation or just the need to be free from breastfeeding are all reasons mothers may give when deciding the time has come to wean. And eventually, even if the mother is reluctant to wean, all children will outgrow breastfeeding at some point.
Staci Dumoski, an editor from Santa Clara, California, says, “After two years of breastfeeding, I just needed a break. I was beginning to feel trapped by her need to nurse. Because I work full-time, Lucy only nursed in the evenings, usually when I first got home from work and then at bedtime. I never intended to nurse Lucy as long as I did. When I first got pregnant, I figured three months, tops. But our childbirth instructor was also a breastfeeding coach, so by the time Lucy was born I was going to nurse for one year. However, she never took a bottle so weaning was put off.”
Offering Substitutes
With a young child becoming so accustomed to the mother offering the breast, the father or other family member may need to assist with weaning, especially for a child older than 2. “For some mothers, when they begin the weaning process it is essential that someone else give the bottle or cup,” says Prachniak. “Even an older baby, such as a toddler, may not take a bottle or cup from the mother, as they are the one who would normally offer the breast. But the child will take a cup or bottle from another family member, such as the father. Having the father offer the alternative to the breast will aid both the child and the mother in avoiding an emotional or trying moment.”
One technique that has proven effective in weaning an older child is offering alternate activities for the mother and child to share. The child will need the reassurance that the mother is not abandoning the child by removing the breast from their daily routine. The mother interacting with the child on other levels can achieve the reassurance that the child desires.
“If someone else is giving the bottle or cup, the mother can fill in with an activity later on, perhaps giving a bath or reading a story,” says Prachniak. “This is done so that the child doesn’t feel the mother is pulling away from him/her physically while still offering the interaction the baby is used to and still wants and needs.”
Cutting Back Gradually
In the best situations, the child cuts back nursing on his own so gradually the mother will suddenly realize it’s been days or even weeks since the child last nursed. Other children need more guidance in the process. “Doing things like shortening the times of the feedings so that the process of weaning is gradual and then substituting one activity, in this case nursing, for another can also aid in the weaning process,” say Prachniak.
“When we were cutting back on the number of nursings we had in a day, the first step we took was to shorten the nursings that were going to be dropped,” says Rachel Rubenstein, a mother of two from Chicago. “I wound up a music box each time we nursed, counting the times I turned the handle. When the music stopped, the nursing would, too. Each day, I turned the handle one less time than the night before, until nursing sessions had gotten down to about a minute each.”
Rachel found that simply making some nursings shorter and eliminating others led her to continue nursing for close to a year after she initially decided she was ready to quit. “It was the frequency and length of the nursings that were bothering me,” she says. “Once we got that under control, I was willing to keep going and save the final steps of weaning for later, when I felt he was ready as well.”
Creative Weaning
The process of weaning a child older than 2 can make a mother get creative in the way she chooses to wean. For example, Prachniak states that bargaining with an older child can be very productive, as older children are better able to understand replacing one activity for another. Offering a child a cup of juice and one-on-one time playing or reading a story will oftentimes lessen the resistance to the weaning process. It’s also important to keep the same amount of physical contact the mother and child shared while nursing during this time, or even increase it.
Mara Berkley, a mother from Bristol, Rhode Island, developed her own method of telling her son they were weaning. “With the support of La Leche League and their guidelines, weaning went very smoothly,” Berkely says. “I picked a memorable day, Memorial Day that was a month away, and told him that at that time the milk would dry up. We talked about it nightly. With reassurance and comfort, he did not experience any complications.”
Rachel also used a special day to end nursing. After cutting back to two short nursings a day over the course of a year, she asked her son to choose a day to nurse for the last time. He chose his fourth birthday, which was at that point several months away. As the day drew near, they discussed it frequently. “It went better for him than for me,” she says. “I was a wreck. But I held him to his decision.”
Weaning an older child from the breast can be an adventure. However, with a little creativity, planning, comfort, and reassurance, it can go smoothly for both the child and the mother. “Taking the time to listen as well as learn from what your child is telling you will offer wonderful clues to how weaning should be accomplished,” says Prachniak. “A child this age can be very verbal about what they want or don’t want. But, they are also old enough to listen and understand if it is explained in their language: love.”
