A Gentle Approach to Night Weaning
By Teri Brown
There are many schools of thought concerning how you should wean your child from those night feedings. As always, moms will take everything under consideration and then do what is best for themselves and their family.
Many parents are active proponents of feeding on demand and are happy with their choices, but what happens when a child insists on his midnight snack—long after he becomes a toddler? What happens when Mommy decides she is finished with that part of motherhood and feels ready to give up those night feedings? Can night weaning be done with compassion, love, and understanding?
Hunger may not be the only reason your child continues to nurse at night.
Not Just Nutrition
Hunger may not be the only reason your child continues to nurse at night. “Nursing is about more than just food,” says Diana West, IBCLC. “It is a way for a child to feel reassured and comforted. Nighttime is scary for many little children because it is dark and quiet. Nursing with Mommy gives them reassurance and security.”
West believes that children also want to nurse when they are in pain, because sucking and even the milk itself mitigate pain. During the second year, many molars are pushing through the gums and this can be quite painful. West also points out that ear infections can also be the cause of nighttime pain. “No matter what the child’s pain, emotional or physical, nursing makes him feel all better,” she says.
It is very normal for small children to look to nurse at night. Children who are not allowed to nurse may eventually fall asleep, but they will not receive the comfort they seek.
A Gradual Approach
Kathleen Bruce, IBCLC, and host of a weekly breastfeeding help chat for breast pump manufacturer Medela, believes that a gradual transition is the best way and this is only after being certain that your child no longer needs that bond.
“Moms should weigh the benefits of weaning with the disadvantages,” she says. “Keep in mind that it’s not unusual for babies, toddlers and young children to wake up at night. And also remember that in our society, these children are often separated from their parents all day. Sometimes being separated all night as well is just too much for them.”
In addition to considering the level of your child’s “Mommy Need,” ending night feedings can have a big impact on a mother’s milk supply—especially if she’s doing a lot of pumping during the day.
“A mom should keep that in mind if she’s deciding whether or not to wean her child from night feedings,” says Bruce. “Having said that, those who do choose to wean their children from night feedings should do so gradually with love and compassion. Be sensitive toward how your child is reacting and look for signs of stress.”
Co-Sleeping Concerns
Those who co-sleep with their children are in a unique position when it comes to night weaning. Aisling Jones of Arlington, Texas, co-slept with all three of her children because of the convenience and warmth she gained from it. “Co-sleeping also gave me more rest and sleep because I didn’t have to get up to feed the baby,” she says. “I could just roll over and plug in!”
Weaning three children has given Jones a bird’s eye view into how different each child’s weaning can be. Her first child weaned easily at 14 months when Jones wore a long T-shirt that restricted access.
“When he woke up, I would take him on top of me, console him, pat his back but not nurse him,” she says. “If he wouldn’t calm down within five minutes or so, I figured that this time he really needed to nurse and I would let him nurse anyway. That happened a few times in the first week, but often he would calm down soon and go back to sleep. I think it took about two weeks or so, and he was sleeping through the night.”
Her second child was not so easy. “We tried so many things and the only thing that worked was time,” says Jones.
Oddly enough, Jones’ third child weaned herself. “Experiment what works for you and your child,” says Jones. “Things that worked for others might be totally wrong for your kid. And even if you have figured it out for one child does not mean that the same method will work for the next child too!”
The Key to Successful Weaning
West believes that individuality is the key to night weaning success. “I think there are no shoulds,” she says. “It depends on the personalities of the mother and the child. We all have different needs.”
Whether you wean your child from breastfeeding at night depends on what you and your child need. West believes that for some mothers the need for uninterrupted sleep is the critical factor. “For other mothers, the need for privacy is more important,” she says.
No matter what your needs are, one of the key issues to keep in mind is your child’s maturity level.
“I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that many 2-year-olds have big needs and really crave the reassurance of being with Mom during the night, and this usually coincides with the time that Mom is feeling she is tired of nursing and really just wants her body back and to sleep a whole night through,” says West. “But making a big struggle about this now often results in deeply upsetting the child’s fragile developing sense of trust and security.”
West believes that if Mom can hold out just a little bit longer—even just a few more months—she might find that things change on their own. Most moms of nearly-3-year-olds find that the children are suddenly ready to give up those night feedings and most are ready to be weaned altogether.
The Foundation for Easy Night Weaning
In her book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Elizabeth Pantley says that many babies have come to associate nursing with going to sleep. The trick is to nurse the child and then pull the nipple out before they go to sleep. This will comfort the child but teach him how to go to sleep on his own.
Another good idea is to change the bedtime routine. If you generally put your child down by nursing, try nursing just until your child relaxes. You can rub her back or walk her around the room to “seal the deal.”
By getting your child to go to sleep in a different manner, you are setting the stage for retraining sleep patterns. When the child awakes at night, nurse her for just a few minutes, remove your nipple from her mouth and then do the same thing that you did to get her to sleep earlier. Your nights will be interrupted for a while longer, but patience will get your child to sleep through the night.
“It is important to understand that although a mom can feel very ‘touched out’ and ready to move on by the time a toddler is 2, it is a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things,” says West. “Before the mom knows it, the child will be going on to another developmental stage.”
Just like it is with starting solid foods and potty training, West says if a child is pushed to do something before he is ready, it can be an emotionally stressful event. “But if we wait until the child is ready and gently ‘encourage,’ it goes very smoothly,” she says.
