You Can Successfully Breastfeed Despite Your Mom
By Kelly Burgess
When Cindy Curtis decided to breastfeed her first child, her mother didn’t exactly disapprove, but she was worried about one thing: Could her small-breasted daughter produce enough milk? On the other hand, my mother-in-law made no secret of her disapproval of my decision to breastfeed her grandchildren. She thought if I nursed she would be left out of the bonding process. In both cases, the grandparent’s fears were proved to be unfounded. Curtis, an IBCLC, and administrator of Breastfeeding Online, says that in both of our cases, as in most cases, the issue really boils down to education.
The Breastfeeding Tradition
Most women observe family traditions that have been handed down by their mothers and grandmothers, but breastfeeding probably isn’t one of them. Mary Lofton, spokesperson for La Leche League International, points out that breastfeeding was relatively uncommon for more than six decades. “If you look back to the beginning of the 1900s, everyone breastfed or wet-nursed or children didn’t survive,” says Lofton. “La Leche League was founded in 1956 as a result of this continuing downward trend, but in spite of that, by 1971 breastfeeding had bottomed out.”
In other words, most of our mothers did not breastfeed and don’t really understand the process. In some families (including my own), breastfeeding may have been considered embarrassing or for the financially strapped—in other words, something only those who couldn’t afford to buy formula were “forced” to do.
Most of our mothers did not breastfeed and don’t really understand the process.
Curtis says that in her practice she does get skeptical grandparents, and the hospital where she works actually has a brochure they hand out to prospective parents to give to the grandparents-to-be explaining the benefits of breastfeeding. “The brochure is a quick and easy read and explains why breastfeeding is good and why our point of view has changed,” says Curtis. “If I see them, I tell them myself. I take the approach of, ‘Well, don’t you want your grandbaby to be the healthiest and smartest baby around?’ and I let them know that breastfeeding can give that great start. Sometimes they just take the information more to heart if it comes from a professional.”
Curtis also urges parents who are facing disapproval from their own parents to invite the grandparents to one of the hospital’s classes to learn more. But, she notes, this is an issue where the husband and wife have to stand firm—and together. “We try to put some of the burden of explaining to the parents on the dad, especially if it’s his mother that’s the problem,” says Curtis. “Sometimes we get people who are very adamant that the new mom shouldn’t breastfeed, and the mom shouldn’t have to deal with that on her own. [Dad] needs to continually follow through.”
Common Concerns
Here are a few common scenarios that a new mother might encounter from her parents or in-laws when she’s breastfeeding, and Curtis gives advice for how to respond.
- Bonding—Everyone loves to give baby a bottle, but there are other ways to bond. Grandparents can still rock, feed, bathe and dress the baby. Also, taking the baby for walks while Mom rests is a nice change for everyone.
- Continued Disapproval—If every time you sit down to feed the baby, Grandma rolls her eyes and makes a disparaging comment, it’s going to impact the relationship and can be very stressful. Rather than just putting up with it, again remind them why you’re breastfeeding and ask them to please refrain from negative comments. If it’s your mother-in-law, enlist your husband to do so. If they still can’t keep their comments to themselves, stay away from them as much as possible.
- Bottles and Babysitting—It’s important to make the grandparents understand why it’s important not to give Baby a bottle behind Mom’s or Dad’ s back. It can compromise established breastfeeding practices, as well as the child’s health. If you suspect your parent or in-law is the type to go behind your back and give a bottle anyway, Curtis suggests finding a different babysitter.If the grandparent does babysit and is feeding the baby breast milk, Curtis suggests giving the grandparents the number of their lactation consultant if they have any questions about thawing breast milk or any other feeding questions just in case they can’t get in touch with the parents. Most important, though, is for the parents to have a plan and to stick with it.
“I tell the moms and dads that this is your baby, and you’re gong to hear advice from everyone from Grandma to the Wal-Mart cashier the minute you start to show,” says Curtis. “Unfortunately, a lot of this advice is myths or based upon older beliefs that we now know are not necessarily what’s best for our children. Just don’t listen to anyone who goes against what you know to be best for you and your baby.”
