How Breastfeeding Impacts Older Children
By Shel Franco
My 7-year-old son had a question. “Mom, what’s the big deal about breasts?” he asked. “Some of my friends are always laughing about ‘boobies.’”
I couldn’t help but laugh, too. In his whole seven years, I had never heard him use the term “boobies,” and it sounded so comical, coming from such a “mature” youngster. In response, I mentioned something about some kids feeling uncomfortable around the human body, and that it’s probably because they haven’t seen many breasts in their lifetime.
The entire situation had me thinking: “Has my extended breastfeeding of three children led to my son’s comfort with breasts and body issues in general?” and “Are other breastfeeding mothers experiencing the same thing?”
A Life-changing Experience
Of course, International Board Certified Lactation Consultant Ann Calandro thinks it’s important for children to grow up seeing breastfeeding. “I think that until breastfeeding is considered a natural part of life and treated as such, then we are going to forever have children who grow up ignorant of the normal way for infants to feed,” she says. “If we are embarrassed and hide, then the children will understand that breastfeeding is embarrassing and should be hidden – or maybe shouldn’t be done at all.”
Before you say, “She’s a lactation consultant; she has to say that,” you should know that Calandro’s opinion comes from intimate personal experience. “When I was a small child, I went with a friend to her grandfather’s farm,” she says. “The farm workers breastfed when their babies were hungry without a second thought. I was fascinated – not disgusted – to see babies feeding in such a relaxed and comfortable way. No one had a negative thought, and it was a life experience that became a part of the norm for me as well.”
Thinking about Calandro’s “life experience” made me realize that I had one, too. When I was a child, I only ever saw one woman nurse, but it was a profound experience that led me to nurse my first child when all the women around me were bottlefeeding.
The Hand That Raised You
Seeing the beauty of breastfeeding one time can impact a life, but a family’s healthy perspective on the human body is important as well.
“Children make a big deal out of things that are kept from them or things that they have seen their parents freak about,” says Crystal of Jasper, Ala. “Now, we don’t set out to have a daily lesson about the body parts, but when a body part is spoken about or asked about, the correct words are used, and we don’t get embarrassed or act all hush-hush about it. We act as if it’s not a big deal – it’s just another body part with another function. If all children knew that breasts are just another body part that feeds babies and – at the age that they begin to question – [can be] pleasurable to you and your husband, then it wouldn’t be such a big deal.”
In the face of little to no formal research on the subject, we have to turn to our own experiences to draw our conclusions. Does breastfeeding in front of older children lead to a healthier perspective on women’s breasts and breastfeeding? After hearing Tammy Durham’s story, it sure looks like it.
“The other day, my 16-year-old’s boyfriend was over, and when I heard them come in the back door I called out, ‘We’re nursing!’ and they came on in,” says the Francesville, Ind., mother. “They walked right up to me to tell me something, and I noticed that Josh wasn’t uncomfortable at all. At first, I found this strange, coming from a 16-year-old boy, standing next to a woman that was nursing – especially the mother of your girlfriend! Then I asked, ‘Does your mom nurse?’ [He said,] ‘Yea.’ That explained it!”
Easier Said Than Done
There are certain situations that make nursing in front of older children questionable in some mom’s minds. What about stepchildren, and what about friends?
“I have a now 11-year-old [stepson] who was almost 10 when I had my first son, and because he was never talked to about breasts, and he freaked badly, I would actually have to leave the room to breastfeed in my own home, which was something I was willing to do for him at the time,” says Crystal. “Now, with our second [baby], it was a little better … With [my stepson], we had to take a slow approach, and hopefully the next time, he’ll finally adapt to it.”
When it comes to her children’s friends, Crystal doesn’t nurse in “public” – even in her own home – unless she has talked with the parents of the friends and they are made aware that she is a breastfeeding mother.
“When you’re out in public, people can take their children away if it makes them uncomfortable, but in your private home, at least, I feel that it is a little different,” she says. “I don’t personally feel that it is wrong or inappropriate to nurse in front of other children. I just think the ‘safe’ thing to do would be to let the other parent know that you are nursing, and that it isn’t something you go to the bedroom and do.”
At other people’s homes, Durham finds it easy to use a simply “rule of thumb.”
“I find that if I nurse my little one at someone’s home that has other children, I nurse without question if I know that mother nursed her children,” she says. “I will ask if I know she didn’t. It seems like the children that were nursed don’t pay any attention to me. The other children will ask, and if they are under 5, they seem to be happy with ‘That is how she feeds her baby.’”
Whether you nurse in front of your older children or not, whether you nurse in front of your children’s friends or not, it’s worth it to give a little thought to the unspoken message they are receiving from you about breastfeeding. As adults, we’ve all heard the adages “children learn by example” and “children learn what they live.” That probably holds true for breastfeeding, too.
