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Home › Expert Q&A › Moms Relationships and Sexuality › Relationship Issues › How can I nicely turn down my mother's outdated nursing advice?

Expert Q&A

 

By Melissa Clark Vickers
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant Moms & Babies Huntingdon, Tenn.

My mother is very enthusiastic about meeting her first grandchild (I am 34 weeks pregnant), and I am pleased about this. However, she tends to give/push bad or outdated advice about breastfeeding. She suggests formula or water supplements (I'm afraid she might buy formula for the baby), discourages breastfeeding beyond four months, etc. Do you have any suggestions for how I can verbally tell her I don't want her advice about this topic without hurting her feelings?

There is something about being pregnant and having new babies that turns everyone around us into experts -- especially grandmothers! As you've no doubt guessed, your mom only wants the best for you and her grandbaby, and wants to help any way she can. It helps to keep this in mind when you get the unsolicited advice!

You might suggest that she attend a breastfeeding class or a La Leche League meeting with you. Tell her you'd love to have her come along and keep you company. With any amount of luck, she'll absorb some of the information she hears!

Perhaps you can tell her something like, ""I really appreciate your suggestion, and I'll keep it in mind."" Or, ""That's interesting. My doctor has suggested that I do _____."" Or, launch into a discussion with her on all the neat things they've discovered about breastfeeding just in the last few years that have changed the recommendations on breastfeeding management. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics has recently revised its recommendations to accommodate the latest research. By emphasizing ""the last few years"" it sounds less like you are assuming that your mom's information is decades old!

Your mom may simply want to be involved in the care of your new baby. Look for things that you can seek out her expertise on -- like how to calm a fussy baby, or how to dress the baby for outings (and when she isn't around, you can probably remove at least one layer she suggests!). Explain to her that you really want her to be a part of your baby's life and that she can help you after the baby comes. Suggest that you'll especially need someone to tend to you and your house and other family members while you do what only you can for your baby (breastfeeding), and in between nursings you want your baby to get acquainted with his grandmother.

Once your baby gets here and your mom sees how well he flourishes on your breastmilk, you may find that your mom becomes your greatest breastfeeding supporter.

Good luck!

For more information on this topic, see Dr. Bill and Martha Sears' answer to ""How can I get my family to support my decision to nurse past one year?"".

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