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November 20, 2002
To Bink or not to Bink
Okay, cheesy title, I know. My first choice was "The Battle of the Bink" but "battle" is really a little too harsh and aggressive for my story. I had to think of something else that sounded just as catchy. I figure, maybe I can draw a few readers in if I come up with great taglines. Hey, it got you here, right?
So, as you have probably already guessed, Aden has a pacifier, known as a bink in our household. When he was about 36 hours old, he got gassy, which made him cry...a lot. Nursing comforted him but I had sore nipples and I wasn't sure I wanted him attached to me 24 hours a day. Being novice parents and having come from backgrounds heavy on the pacifier usage, Derek and I popped a bink in Aden's mouth. Sure, there was a lot of debating in my mind as to whether this was the best solution and how we would get rid of it once he was dependent on it, but being naive I figured I'd wean him from it by 3 or 6 months of age and he'd forget all about it.
16 months later... and I have an uneasy truce with the bink. At times it was a godsend. For anyone who's read my intro, you know that Aden was an on-and-off nurser right from the start, which I think now was probably due to me having an oversupply and a strong letdown. When he came off he would scream bloody murder but he wouldn't want to take the breast back--probably scared of choking and drowning, poor thing! So I figured out a system: latch, suck suck, scream, bink in, suck suck, bink out, latch, suck suck suck, etc. After a few minutes he would settle and nurse fine. I still to this day don't know what I would have done if he wouldn't have calmed down with the bink. By 4 or 5 months this was pretty much over, but then every time I tried to take the bink away he started sucking his thumb instead. I know some experts say that's great and all, but my sister sucked her thumb forever so it makes giant neon flashing lights go off in my head.
So the bink has stayed, but we started limiting its use to only when Aden would sleep, and that's where we've been ever since. The bink stays in bed, period, except for really long car trips when I know he'll need to sleep. And to prevent the bink from being lost, we used a bink clip to attach the bink to his favorite stuffed animal, Duck. Aden could always find Duck in the night and go back to sleep by himself. It was a great system... until last month.
Aden learned to unfasten the bink clip from Duck, and when combined with his "I'm going to throw everything I get my hands on" stage, the result was the bink and Duck being launched out of bed at all hours of the night. Then he would fuss and cry until we got up and retrieved them for him, over and over and over. If we didn't retrieve them, he just cried and refused to lay back down and go to sleep again. Not such a great system anymore.
Last week, with a major sleep deficit building and some kind of hormonal funk going on as well, I got fed up. I put the bink away. I gave Aden Duck and laid him down for his nap. I was irrational and prepared for a battle. I was going to let him cry it out as long as it took even if listening to him made my insides turn to an icky quivering mush. (Not particularly proud of this mindset, by the way, as I absolutely hate the theory of crying it out, although I do acknowlege that yes, it works. But at what cost?) He fussed, I said we were taking a nap without bink, he clung to Duck like a drowning man, but then rolled over and went to sleep. Success!
Bedtime--same mindset, different story. It took 25 minutes of comforting and crying that time, but then he slept all night as usual. I felt pretty bad he'd had to cry but tried to shove those feelings down. For the rest of last week he kept sleeping without the bink, but something was wrong. He wasn't my happy cheerful little guy anymore. He wasn't sleeping as much, he was grouchy, and he started crying at the mention of naptime or bedtime. He was clingy and nursed a lot more too, but he won't nurse to sleep. I kept thinking I was doing the right thing and it would just take time, but in reality it wasn't working. I was stressed and even more sleep deprived than before, and he was miserable.
So yesterday I came to my senses and gave it back. We both immediately took a two hour nap. He took another nap later and slept much better last night. He's so happy again! I know we'll really have to give up the bink at some point, but he wasn't ready and I can't rush that. I've never doubted that he will stop nursing when he's ready, and from now on I'm going to look at the pacifier in the same way. I can encourage it but it's up to him.
I think a lot about what I'll do when we have another child--should I give them a bink or not? There are defintely pros and cons. There were many times when Aden was a newborn that I got more freedom because of that bink. Anyone could give it to him; I wasn't his sole comfort. Philisophically I don't necessarily think that's a good thing, but personally I'm still not sure I'm comfortable being a human pacifier. I struggle a lot with my ideals versus the reality of what I'm willing to do. I guess that's part of figuring out who I am as a parent.
So now, if you've made it through this rather long entry, I would love your input. Stories about how your kids weaned from the pacifier? Why you chose a pacifier or why you didn't? Philisophical discussions? Please, give me some messages to read on my TTM board! And thanks for hanging out with me and my diary!
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