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April 29, 2003
Well, we have had the worst luck lately. Every time I’ve sat down to write about one stressful situation or bad day, something else has come up to top it!
Since the beginning of April, a lot has been going on with Derek’s job. He is a union carpenter but the company he’s been working for decided to go non-union. Negotiations are ongoing but it is causing a lot of uncertainty and stress for all of their employees. There are many decisions to be made and questions to be answered. We don’t know where the best steady work will be (union or non), what will happen to his pension and insurance, whether we might have to move in order to find more work and better pay… It is kind of overwhelming and scary.
Then 2 weeks ago Aden and Katie had a horrible week. They were both just so whiny and they were just feeding off each other and getting progressively worse. Tantrums, being hurtful to each other, etc. I love being a mom, I love Aden, and I like taking care of Katie, but for a while I either wanted to run away or throw a tantrum of my own. And I really wanted to call Katie’s mom and ask her to take her child back! But it has passed and ever since then they have been getting along great. They are even playing little games of their own invention, which is so cute. And they have the sweetest interactions and conversations. Sometimes they even share!
Last week started wonderfully because my best friend Molly came to visit. She moved to Kentucky in October, which was extremely depressing for me. We used to hang out nearly every day, so I was really in a funk without her. It was a hard adjustment to make, but we’ve survived and remained friends. When she was here, it felt like she’d never left. We hung out, talked, and generally caught up on life. She couldn’t believe how big Aden was and how it’s possible to have a conversation with him now. It almost seemed like Aden remembered her, although I’m not sure that’s possible. At any rate, he absolutely loved her and he did everything with “Mowee” all week—I was pretty much chopped liver. But it was such an awesome week…
Until our washer broke and flooded our basement and forced Molly to leave a day early! Talk about stress! One minute, Molly and I and our friend Sue were chatting in the kitchen, the next minute there was water pouring onto the floor in the adjacent laundry room. Thank goodness those two ladies were there to help me get it under control. As we were bailing and mopping I suddenly thought, oh no, the guest room is right under here, what if the water is going down? And Molly ran to check and yelled that there was water dripping everywhere—on the bed, on the furniture, on the breaker box… Oh, it was such a mess. Almost everything in the room will have to be replaced—ceiling tile, insulation, carpet, bed, pillows, desk, nightstand. Luckily, the only important things—Molly’s suitcase and my cedar chest—were unharmed.
I dealt with it all really well until the crisis was over, then I just lost it. I didn’t know how we would afford to fix anything (we are still waiting for the final numbers from the insurance adjustor—think good thoughts!) and plus Molly had to start packing up to go stay with another friend. So that was a very sad end to her visit. I knew I would be sad to see her go, but with all of the stress from the flooding, plus her unexpectedly early departure, I couldn’t stop crying, which made me feel like a moron, which made me feel sorry for myself, which made me cry more. I must have been quite a sight. She says she’ll come back and visit again, because after all, she’ll have a completely new guest room to stay in! But I don’t know, if I were her I might never come back, LOL.
So that is all of the bad stuff. And really, I’m thanking the universe, because even though it was all very stressful, it could have been so much worse. Derek is still working, I have a healthy if somewhat frustrating toddler, and we have insurance on the house... So I’m knocking on wood and thanking my lucky stars.
In other news, I have an appointment tomorrow to get my IUD removed. I’m not sharing this with many of my “real world” friends because I don’t want to start getting those “are you pregnant yet?” questions. We probably won’t start TTC right away, and in fact I don’t know how long it will take for my body to be ready. The nurse at my doctor’s office said giving my body a break for a month or two might be a “good idea.” But when I called to talk to my potential midwife and set up an appointment to meet her, she told me that in her experience the uterine lining often gets scraped when the IUD is removed and it can take 4-5 months for the uterus to heal. Hmmm, that would have been nice to know a little earlier, why don’t doctors tell you these things?
To tell you the truth, I’m having many concerns about TTC that I didn’t have the first time. Maybe it is just being more aware of what can happen. But I am also acutely aware that having one easy experience does not mean we’ll have that same experience the next time. Every woman in my family has had at least one miscarriage, and most have had those miscarriages between their first and subsequent children. And also, I’ve been charting for 3 months now and have discovered I have a luteal phase of 9 days, which from my reading is probably not long enough to let an embryo implant. Last cycle I got AF only 5 days after ovulation! This is very different from my old (pre-Aden) cycle and it concerns me quite a bit.
I’m going to bring all of this up with my doctor tomorrow. Between those conversations and asking him to be a back-up doctor for a homebirth, it will be an interesting appointment. (And ironic… wondering about my fertility while also planning another birth? I must sound a little crazy!) I’ll let you know what happens in my next entry. Plus, I am meeting my midwife this weekend, and I can tell you all about her! I’m very excited about this meeting both on a personal level, knowing 3 of my friends have had awesome experiences with her, and on a professional level, since it is my dream someday to be a midwife. I’m not sure of the exact path but I feel in my heart that midwifery lies in my future.
And last, but not least, since this is a breastfeeding diary, I really ought to mention how Aden’s weaning is going. Part of me had been hoping that it was just a phase and he would begin nursing again, so I’m a little sad to report that he seems to have completely forgotten how to nurse. I guess this is fairly common, because the mouth positioning for nursing is so different than any other type of drinking. He remembers nursing, (I’m very grateful for this) and still asks occasionally. But he doesn’t really want to, he turns away when I offer. (Sigh) But I’m glad I have the memories and I *hope* I will get to experience it all again with another baby. As with the midwifery, it is all about having faith in the path! I’ve been questioning it a lot lately, but only time can tell.
Have a great week!
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