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April 8, 2004
So much for my Zen-like composure… (4-8-04)
I’ve got to keep this short because I’ve got dog poop to clean off the porch and a dog who needs a bath. *sigh* This has not been a good day and I am in desperate need of cheering up. Things were going great until about 2:00 yesterday afternoon—do I write about the good or the bad first?
Well, chronological order sounds easiest so we’ll start with the good, since it happened first. Aden and I went to visit my mom at her school and then to go see my midwife Fran yesterday. We see my mom nearly every weekend and have been to her house quite a bit this year because of our visits to Fran’s, but we’re never in town on a weekday. It’s been driving her crazy that she hasn’t been able to show Aden off to her co-workers at all this school year! So when I rescheduled with Fran (after our missed appointment on Sunday) I purposefully made the appointment for a weekday—of course it meant Derek couldn’t come but I think he was secretly glad to not have to make the 80 mile drive one more time!
We stopped and picked up lunch and took it to my mom first. Aden was so thrilled to see her! We walked around the school so she could introduce us to everyone, then we ate, and then a first-grade class came into the library for storytime and Aden got to sit on my mom’s lap and help her read. After that we sat at a table and read books until it was time to go to our appointment. Mom helped Aden check out a book (he picked one on dandelions, LOL!) and he was very proud of himself.
My visit with Fran was a bit shorter than usual because of Aden’s presence, but it was still a great visit. I told her how much the skullcap tincture was helping me sleep and she was very pleased. My blood pressure and urine were still great, and with 2 ½ weeks until my due date she called me “superwoman” because I still have almost no swelling! Woohoo! I told her that I thought the baby had dropped because my heartburn has been less but my need to pee and the twinges of cervical pain have both been increasing. When I laid down she immediately said, “Oh, feel this!” and showed me that she could feel the baby’s chin only about an inch above my pubic bone—so her head is engaged, her chin is nicely tucked, and she is facing toward my right side or sometimes my back. Another woohoo! Fran doesn’t think the baby is very heavy but she is guessing that she is long, since her head is that low and then her back makes a “C” shape around my left side, ending with her butt still firmly tucked under the right side of my ribcage. I measured 37.5—exactly how far I am. It’s the first time I have not measured at least a week or two ahead, but that’s probably because the baby dropped.
I was in a great mood when Aden and I left Fran’s. Then the ride home seemed to take forever—first a stop for a cherry limeade, then a bathroom stop for me, then I had to clean up spilled cherry limeade, then another stop because Aden told me he’d pottied and his pants were wet (we’ve been having all sorts of mysterious diaper leak issues, grr), and then about 20 minutes from home we hit a horrible rain storm and Aden simultaneously started screaming that his penis hurt. He was completely inconsolable and of course it was 10 miles to the next exit that had a restroom. I was at a loss—what do I know about penis pain?? Finally we made it to a gas station and he seemed completely fine after he peed and we readjusted his diaper. So who knows? The joys and mysteries of having a son…
I was so glad to get home until I went to check on the dog and saw that he had more than likely had a seizure sometime in the afternoon. It’s been 6 weeks since that last cluster of seizures and his subsequent ICU stay, so we were thinking we were in the clear… not so. When Derek got home and I told him, he said he was worried Xander had had one overnight too. Then Xander acted funny all evening, probably had another one about 8 pm, and then definitely had two more at 9:10 and 9:30. So there were lots of phone calls to the on-call vet and finally a trip to the clinic so he could get shots of valium to calm down his brain. Thank goodness Derek is a big man, and strong, because it is not easy to deal with an incapacitated 100 pound dog! We told the vet that there was no way we could afford another ICU stay and luckily she was sympathetic and sent him home with Derek after about 45 minutes of observation. Xander was out all night and is still not himself this morning, but that’s pretty normal after that many seizures. He doesn’t want to get up to go down the steps to the yard, so there’ve been 3 accidents so far today and he desperately needs a bath… he’s on valium for a week and we’ve also increased his phenobarbitol (seizure medication) by half…and we now have a referral to the university’s vet hospital for “uncontrolled epilepsy.” :( Apparently if it was just a matter of getting his dose right, the seizures would at least be decreasing in severity, but his are getting worse instead. It’s all just very stressful for me—watching him go through this, wondering if the next one will leave him brain damaged or dead, trying to deal with the monetary issues it brings, cleaning up all of these messes, wondering if he is even going to get better or if we are just going to have to put him to sleep… it has been 6 months now and he is only getting worse. I just feel like we’re at a complete loss as to what to do. I know some of you will say, “It’s only a dog!” and you’re right, every time he has a seizure I stop to be thankful that it’s not Aden having a seizure. But it’s still a horrible thing to watch and cope with, and I’m very tired.
So, like I said, there go my feelings of peace and serenity! I hope we can get all of this resolved before the baby comes. I could use any words of encouragement or distraction that anyone cares to post. Thanks.
Tara
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