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July 2, 2001
Sometimes I think women are hardest on each other. We see it in the workplace all the time. This can hold true about a woman’s decision to breastfeed as well.
You can be judged for nursing too long or not long enough. Do men judge each other similarly? I don’t think so.
When I returned to work six weeks after Lily was born I had an uncomfortable conversation with another new mom who was nursing. My second day back at work I had to call in sick because of a massive breast infection. My right breast was completely engorged but would not release any milk. This was my 3rd infection (but the only one for which I had to go on antibiotics).
Well a few days later I ran into this co-worker in the bathroom where we pump. I am fortunate to work in a place that has a large bathroom with a shower. It is really the bathroom/dressing room for the company’s gym. But it is a low traffic area in the basement where you can usually pump undisturbed.
I mentioned to the co-worker that I was on antibiotics for my third breast infection. Instead of being supportive the co-worker quizzed me about how much water I was drinking and other factors that could be causing the problem. Believe me, her comments were not presented in a helpful manner. She ended by saying she did not have problems and I needed to look at what I was doing.
Yes, there are many things a woman can do to help prevent breast infections. But nothing is 100%. Sometimes they just happen. Some of the factors were out of my control. I had way too much milk. That kept leading to clogged ducts. Also I had to return to work with only 6 weeks off for her birth. This is usually before the supply and demand is completely worked out. I also made a decision that did not help. When Lily was 5 weeks old I flew from Arizona to Texas for a 4-day visit with Lily’s grandmother and great-grandmother. I am sure the stress of the trip added to my problems. But I would not have traded that special visit for anything.
I am sure I was emotional and hormonal at the time the co-worker made the comments, but they really hurt.
There is another side to the coin. As a breastfeeding mom I find myself having to be careful not to judge moms who make the decision not to breastfeed. I do support a woman’s right to choose the nourishment that is right for her family.
My best friend from high school just had her second baby. She nursed her first for about six months, but had to supplement with formula. She had a lot of nipple pain with her second. She only lasted 6 days.
Had she been a stranger or just a co-worker, I don’t think I would have thought twice about her decision to quit breastfeeding. But because she is such a close friend, I felt disappointed for her. I felt sorry for what she is missing.
As women I think we need to realize what is best for our family is not necessarily best for our neighbor’s family. We would be a lot happier if we were not always judging each other.
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