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May 8, 2001
In the middle of the night on May 2nd, I get up to pee, like I usually did 4 or 5 times a night. And my water breaks as I’m walking across the room! I was stunned and just stood there in shock for a bit. (laugh) I look at the clock, and it’s exactly 3:30 AM. I kinda lie around and try to sleep for the next few hours, trying to decide if I should wake up my mom and/or call the midwife. I was a bundle of nervous energy and couldn’t sleep. At around 6:30, I do wake up Mom and call in. I’m told they really want to check me, but if I’m not in active labor then I can go home until later that afternoon. So I rush around and pack my bag, which I hadn’t yet done, in case they decide to keep me, and we’re off to the midwives’ office.
Once there, I’m weighed, and I am 4 pounds less than I was just the day before! We don’t know what to make of that, but my blood pressure was fine, and I was calm. My cervix was checked and I was 1-2 centimeters dilated and 70% effaced. And my water has definitely broken. We decide to do a non-stress test to see how the baby is doing and he’s doing just fine, except for one contraction when his heart rate dropped like a rock. The midwife isn’t concerned though and gives me the option to go on to the hospital or to go home for a while. I decide to go home.
I take a very long nap, and a shower. I email. I don’t eat much or drink much, which I should have done. And I don’t walk around, like I should have done. Two of my sisters, Beth and Melissa, come to the house and we all leave to go to the hospital around 2:00.
I get checked in and hooked to the monitors for what was supposed to be just 20 minutes. They showed I was having light contractions every once in a while, but definitely not in active labor. And that when I did have a contraction, Logan’s heart rate would plummet. My membranes had been ruptured for about 12 hours by then, and every hour that passed increased my risk for infection. I had lots of options to choose from, and my midwife, Melanie, and I discussed them at length. I could continue as I was, and see if I go into labor on my own. No one was going to insist on antibiotics until 9 pm that night, 18 hours after my membranes ruptured. Or I could wait a while and see if my labor picked up, then start antibiotics and pitocin to jump-start some contractions. Or I could start antibiotics, fluids (I was very dehydrated), and pitocin now and get the show on the road. I chose the third option after seeing Logan’s heart rate drop one more time. Melanie promised to turn off the pitocin once my contractions got good.
Very quickly, the contractions increased both frequency and intensity. The back labor I feared was a definite reality, and it was agonizing. I shooed all my visitors out of the room so I could feel comfortable walking around mostly naked. I know it hurt my mother’s feelings to not be present, but she handled it gracefully.
I moved to the rocking chair, which was really great for a while. I couldn’t range far because with the induction, I had to be monitored constantly. Melanie offered the use of a birthing ball, and I accepted, but every time she tried to go get it, I would have another contraction and need her to stay. She was fabulous. The midwife with my last birth was rarely even in the room with me, but Melanie never left my side. After the rocking chair stopped being a comfort, we tried having me lean over the bed, but that really hurt my back. Then we tried having me on my hands and knees, but that too really hurt. I finally just lay on my side and concentrated, or tried to, on relaxing during contractions. This was the best position. Go figure. My goal had been to avoid the bed at all costs, but now I found it to be the best place for me. I was actually wailing through the contractions, and I know when I hit transition when I started to weep through them too. Melanie checked me, and I was 6 centimeters dilated and fully effaced, a huge jump from just a couple of hours ago when I was 1 centimeter and 80%. My back was in incredible pain that didn’t stop between contractions, so I asked for some pain relief. We had discussed this earlier, and I had made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with an epidural, so it was never mentioned. I got a shot of nubain in my IV. I’ve heard some people don’t like this drug because it makes you feel loopy and doesn’t take away much of the pain, but that was what I liked about it. (laugh) I was able to fully relax between contractions, instead of remaining tense, and it really helped a ton. Very soon, I mean moments later soon, I was pushing with the contractions. Pushing felt really amazing, and it made me regret the epidural I had with my first birth even more because it took that feeling away from me. It took Melanie a while to notice because I was not at all vocal. (grin) When she did realize I was pushing, she was excited, and checked me again. I was 9 centimeters dilated! This was amazing progress, really fast. So she rushed around, not in a panic, just hurrying, getting everything ready, as I pushed my way through several more contractions. Pushing really took the pain away. Melanie never told me when to push or not to push, and never had me push for a set amount of time. She encouraged me to get into good positions, and cheered me on.
I didn’t push for very long at all. I felt Logan crown, and Melanie asked me if I wanted to touch his head. I declined, not feeling up to moving that way. I tore along the scar of my first tear, and that really hurt, but not nearly as badly as the contractions before the pushing phase were. Logan’s body came in one push, and he was put on my belly immediately. That was a deeply moving moment. I got covered in his vernix, and touched his hair and tiny fingernails. It was 9:13 pm.
I had taken a ridiculously small amount of pitocin, according to Melanie, and had been in true labor for only 4 hours.
When the placenta came, I was very startled by it’s size. That is another thing the epidural last time took from me. Melanie showed me the placenta, and it was really cool to see, not at all gross. (laugh) The nurse took Logan to be weighed and measured nearby, and Melanie stitched me up. Logan weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces (3.714 kg) and was 20 ½ inches long.
He was soon returned to me and we started nursing. Logan didn’t latch on very well at first, although he tried to very energetically. He was very alert, but wouldn’t open his eyes. He reminded me of newborn kittens. My sister Melissa came in bearing the Chinese food I’d ordered before labor, and I was ravenous. It was the best Chinese food I’ve ever eaten. (laugh) I ate and nursed Logan for a while, then I decided it was okay for them to take Logan to the transitional nursery for a bath and to get seen by all my family who had come to see him. I wasn’t ready for visitors of any kind.
While he was in the nursery, I was moved to my recovery room. And soon Logan was brought in to me. We spent the night cosleeping and nursing. I felt really good, not at all like I did after Jacob’s birth. I was really starving though and ate almost all of the Chinese food very quickly.
It was a wonderful birth, and although it didn’t go as I had hoped, it was still an empowering and magical experience. It made me realize just how badly my first labor actually went, and how badly my then midwife handled things. I had a very positive hospital birth despite my fears. My joy would soon evaporate, however, because Logan would get sick, and be taken to the NICU. But that is another story, and will be posted soon.
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