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Follow the story of this young, single mom of two boys as she balances preschooler independence and toddler needs.

November 30, 1999

I am 21 years old, the mother of a nursing toddler, and pregnant with my second child. My first child, Jacob Ian, was born 2 weeks late on January 13, 2000 after 36 hours of labor. I was single then, having broken up with my boyfriend when I was 5 months pregnant. My boyfriend, Stone, was there at the hospital when Jacob was born. I wouldn't allow him to attend the actual birth and he was devastated.

Jacob and I got off to a rocky start on the breastfeeding front. He quickly developed severe jaundice, due to ABO incompatibility, and the hospital insisted on supplementing his diet with formula. I later learned this was unnecessary. I tried breastfeeding him in the nursery, but every time I entered the room, I'd have panic attacks. I suffer from social anxiety disorder, and the babies that were there were crying and sad and it just crumpled me. So I stayed at my sister's apartment and pumped my milk into bottles that my mother would take to the hospital.

After Jacob came home, I soon realized that I was becoming "addicted" to the formula they had sent home with me. After a meal of formula, Jacob would sleep longer, and I was desperately tired. I started nursing less and less. So I gave all the formula away, every last drop. We have had problems since then, like biting, but all in all things have gone very well, and I'm exceedingly pleased with my decision to go formula-free.

Jacob's father, Stone, has been great. He visited every weekend, bought clothes and toys, and played with Jacob well. Now, at 19 months, Jacob loves his Daddy and gets very excited when Stone comes to visit. There have been developments between Stone and me. Happy ones. We are dating again, and more than that, I am pregnant again.

As a matter of fact, I learned of my pregnancy this very afternoon. I had gone to a clinic to get birth control pills, and the routine pregnancy test came back positive! I was delighted. We were going to use birth control because now is horribly inconvenient for another baby, financially and all. But both Stone and I desperately wanted more children. The idea of birth control saddened us both.

Stone has asked me to marry him and I've accepted. As of yet, we have no concrete plans, but he is giddy at the prospect of attending this birth. And I'm glad to allow it. We are finally a family.