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February 1, 2001
Yesterday, we took a big step. We got Kara some "big-girl" underpants! She loves them, but is a ways from being potty trained, so we are only wearing them at home right now. I felt like such a meany last night, though. Kara was having some "naked time" before her bath. (You know how toddlers love to run around naked!) Anyway, Kara was running, jumping and squealing like she usually does during naked time, when all of a sudden she stopped, looked at me, and said "Mommy" as she peed on the floor. I calmly told her that next time she had to go pee-pee, she should tell me ahead of time, so we could go to the potty. Well, here's where I made my mistake: I went back to what I was doing, instead of taking her to the potty right then. Soon after, she said "Mommy" once more and started peeing again! Well, before I could think about what I was doing I said "Kara!" in a stern voice. She immediately burst into tears! I felt so bad; I quickly gave her a hug and apologized. She's just learning after all. I can't expect her to have that kind of control over her body quite yet. Later I figured out that she hadn't realized she needed to go until it was too late. Then she stopped herself so we could get to the potty. Since I didn't take her right away, she ended up going the rest of the way on the floor. Bad mommy! The good news is that this morning, when she said "Mommy", I asked her if she needed to go to the potty and we went and made it in time! I was afraid I had scarred her last night, and that she'd never want to use the potty again!
Remember last week, when I bragged about how calm I was about trying to get pregnant? Well, if I could go back and delete that from my last entry, I would! Two days later, I ended up completely wigging out! Scott had gone out of town for a couple of days, but I wasn't worried because I thought I had already ovulated. However, since I haven't been taking temperatures this cycle, I didn't know for sure. Scott left Wednesday, and on Thursday my cervical fluid still seemed fertile, so I started getting a little nervous that we had missed the optimum time. Scott was coming back home Friday night, but Kara and I had planned to go visit my dad on Friday, so Scott and I wouldn't be back together until Saturday. I tried to calm myself by remembering that sperm can live for several days, but it didn't help much. Then Friday I woke up and just felt…well, the only way I can describe it is really ripe! I just knew that I would ovulate that day. So, I ended up changing my plans so that Kara and I would go to my dad's house Saturday night instead of Friday, and Scott and I could be together Friday night and Saturday morning. I didn't tell anyone why I changed our plans, just that Saturday night would work out better for us. I felt pretty ridiculous about it. After all, this is only our first month trying and it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen this month. But I just didn't want to miss that critical ovulation time. It was weird how obsessed I got. That biological drive to reproduce must be pretty strong! Now I'm calm again, but probably because I'm in the "wait and see" phase of my cycle. I'm sure I'll get all stressed out again once my period is due.
As for nursing, Kara and I are still going strong! When I come to get her up in the morning, the first thing she says to me is, "Nurse!" (So much for "Good morning!") It's pretty cute, though. I'm still not feeling any desire to wean, and am happy to wait until she's ready.
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