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Home › Diaries › Amy's › November 12, 2001

Amy's Diary Entries

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November 12, 2001


Sorry I've been away so long! I only have a minute now for a quick update...

First - Sam still nurses, and actually is nursing MORE lately! His 2-year molars are coming in, and they have really tortured him. They look awful, and I keep him pumped full of Tylenol (which really seems to help). Just before they started coming in, he was nursing less and less all the time. I'm curious to see what he does after they settle down. (I still marvel at my original goal, which was to nurse him for three months. In January, it will be THREE YEARS! lol)

I've got a contract on a house of our own, finally. Just waiting on the bank to finish the appraisal and schedule the closing. It was a bank repo, so I bought it for a ridiculously low price (yay). I am so longing to be alone with Sam and have our own routine. I am very appreciative of my parents letting me live here all this time, but I am READY TO LEAVE!

Work is going great - but the 45 minutes one way gets kind of trying. We've started a Bible study group after hours on Tuesday's. It really makes for a long day for me, but it's great getting to know some of my co-workers better and forming a support network of believers at work.

My ex-husband has been on an anti-depressant for about two months (or so he says) and I think I believe him because he is much, much less aggressive. However, he seems to be even more depressed - which isn't all that hard on me, but is terrible for him. I have to admit, I like the absence of terror in our relationship, but he still isn't being treated (medically) effectively. His inability to be based in reality hasn't changed at all. For example, he genuinely believes (and insists) that I am obligated to support him emotionally and let him cry on my shoulder because we were together (a.k.a. "imprisoned") for 10 years. I moved out LAST APRIL and our divorce was final in JULY. He just doesn't get it. Today he called me TEN different times. It was stupid totally not important stuff every time.

Of course, the most difficult thing continues to be Sam's admiration of and devotion to this mentally sick man. I don't know how to deal with it - or how to address it. Sam does seem to have attached emotionally more to me over the past few months, but he still will cry for Kenny when he is away from him - and he doesn't do that for me. I just don't get it.

On a happier note, Sam and I visited a friend and her daughter who we met on this web site! We spent a few days with them last week, and had a terrific time! Sam and his little girlfriend Anna played together like they had known each other all their little lives. I especially enjoyed being with and having conversations with an adult! I really felt “all grown up” driving five hours and spending so much time just being alone with Sam. It was great for our relationship, and I’m going to do some little 24 trips with him soon. He was a different child entirely once we left our familiar routine and environment.

One more thing – I discovered a lump in my left breast a couple months ago. I suspected it was related to a bout of mastitis I had recently endured. My doctor ordered an ultra-sound – which didn’t show anything. Everyone can feel it, though, so he referred me to a surgeon for a second opinion. The surgeon was of the mind that we should wait a couple months to check on it again. He also strongly suspects that it is from mastitis, and it’s just a “milk gland gone crazy.” I guess that happens. It hurts a good bit is my only complaint. He said that he would bet that when Sam finally weans, it would go away within a month or two. He didn’t even want to do a biopsy, so I guess I’ll just have to wait…



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