Our marriage has reached a new low, and I think we're both wondering WHEN it will end, not IF it will end. What makes this difficult, of course, is the inability to fairly "split" Sam. Neither of us is willing to give up the time that we have with him. I expressed that it made sense for me to have Sam at night, because he still nurses so often throughout the night. Just as I anticipated, Kenny has begun expressing his opinion that Sam can quit doing that if he has to, in order to spend the nights away from me.

I'm sure Sam would survive not nursing in the middle of the night, but I feel that his statement to that effect makes it evident that he isn't considering what is best for Sam, but instead trying to re-organize our lives in a fashion that makes HIM (Kenny) comfortable. I'm trying not to do that, but I admit that it is the anticipation of my own breaking heart from being away from Sam that motivates my decisions as well.

I'm trying to be patient. It isn't a dangerous situation, so I feel I must wait until I am certain of what the "right" thing is to do. I'm relying heavily upon God for strength to endure, and for wisdom to not make the wrong decisions.

There were so many things during the past two weeks that I wanted to share, relating to Sam's behaviors, but I just can't recall them right now.