I miss Sam terribly, having to be away from him for so many hours during the week. But worse than that is the discovery that when I am able to spend an entire day with him, I find myself lacking in perfect patience. And then I feel so guilty. I corrected him several times today using too stern of a voice, and the wounded expression on his face should have been punishment enough that I would only have done it once. And now it's almost midnight, he is sound asleep, and another day is gone. I have this nagging fear that even if things did change soon and I could be the stay-at-home parent, that maybe I wouldn't be good enough for the job. Surely I would develop the patience that it requires. Surely the only reason Kenny is better at it is because he has had all of the practice. I have to believe that. No one in the world loves anyone more than I love Sam --- why isn't that enough?

I know that this pity party isn't good for anyone, and I WILL get over it soon. I always do. But every time it is harder. Sam is getting older, and my fear is that I'll never catch up.

His appetite has really increased the past few days. He is eating more and more solids all the time. Today I let him have some jarred bananas for breakfast, and he ate them entirely by himself. I know he is 20 months old -- but this is a first for him. We have always fed him when a utensil was necessary. I think he did very well!

He still nurses as much as ever. When I am with him, he wants to nurse constantly, and I always let him. It's the only thing that only I can do for him -- I'll let him nurse as long as he wants to.