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Home › Diaries › Amy's › July 7, 2001

Amy's Diary Entries

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July 7, 2001


The older Sam gets, I feel like I should start these entries: "Well, Sam is still nursing..."

(Are you wondering what that has to do with my tag line??? It doesn't have anything to do with it - I just thought that if you were humming the tune of the song to yourself as you continue to read, by the time you get to the relevant section, you'll be well in the mood to commiserate with me...)

On the 21st of this month (July) he will be 2 and a half years old. He still nurses immediately when I get home from work (around 6 p.m.), many times throughout the evening and night, and all the time on the weekends. I have to admit this (and I may be over it tomorrow) but sometimes I have hints of feelings of wanting my body back. He is active - obviously - he is a toddler. Consequently, everything he does, he does with much energy, including nursing. Sometimes, I just don't have perfect patience for it. He always has to be doing something with his hands (normal for his age) and sometimes when he nurses, the entire time is filled with constant admonitions - "Quit scratching me, don't poke my eye, quit sticking your finger in my nose, quit pulling on my earrings, etc..." Sam continues to be and probably always will be a small guy, and I’m not sure many people believe me that I truly believe that although he is over two years old, he still receives a vital amount of nourishment from nursing. Everyone wants to believe that he only nurses for comfort, at this point. I disagree.

So now let's talk about stinky love. I'm certain my little bit of lack of patience of late with Sam has everything to do with the fact that so many other horrible things are causing stress in my life right now. What was just a few days ago a likely dissolution of a marriage is fast becoming a hideous full-fledged divorce. I'll spare this community the details of our hostile and quite scary situation, except to mention that the only issue is a custody dispute. Sam shows more signs of reacting to the stress, as well. Specifically, he has developed (with much assistance from his father) a burden to care for his father, and show him sympathy. To see my 2 year old shouldering this kind of responsibility at the direction of an adult, causes more anger in me than I can deal with. I’m not sure his father will ever achieve the emotional maturity to even recognize, much less discontinue this unhealthy behavior. More aggravating yet – my inability to do anything about it.

Another great stress, although not horrible, is that I’m starting a new job, and actually a new career on Monday, July 9. It promises to be a fantastic job, and is a much shorter commute than the job I just left. I don’t pretend to not be relieved that I no longer work for a union, either. But that’s another story, and has nothing to do with nursing. ;-)

When it gets closer to July 21st, I’ll measure Sam and post his adult height prediction. He seems to have grown some, but it’s a safe bet he isn’t going to play for the NBA. We’ve had a lot of fun this weekend. We went to our favorite park last night with a bunch of family and played until well after 10 p.m. Sam had a great time with his cousin Jordan, riding the rides. I confess, I had a great time too. Especially the big swings – you know the kind where everyone has their own swing on a chain, and they spin you around really fast and high? I’ve been waiting for at LEAST 5 years for my butt to be small enough again to fit in that seat, so I could ride that ride. It was a little intimidating, walking up to the 95-pound 16-year old and handing over a ticket to take a ride on the swing. I hope I was over-analyzing his expression, but I thought I saw him look me over when I handed him the ticket, and I wondered if he was wondering if I was going to fit. Lol! Alas, I did fit, and the ride was more fun than I have had in ages. With all of the gut-wrenching uncertainty in my life right now, I hope it’s okay that these kinds of successes are the things that keep me going. I intend to ride it again tonight, when we return to the park for the 4th of July fireworks.



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