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Abigail's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 10/13/02 -------------------- 4/17/02 3/15/02 2/4/02 1/15/02 9/14/01 8/16/01 7/26/01 7/20/01 7/7/01 4/17/01 4/17/01 12/5/00 10/25/00 10/14/00 7/12/00 6/21/00 6/7/00 5/31/00 5/23/00 5/17/00 5/9/00 5/3/00 4/25/00 4/19/00 4/12/00 4/4/00 3/28/00 3/22/00 3/15/00 3/7/00 2/29/00 2/28/00 2/23/00 2/15/00 2/9/00 2/4/00 2/2/00 1/26/00 1/25/00 1/18/00 1/11/00 1/4/00 12/28/99 12/21/99 12/14/99 11/1/99 10/28/99 10/21/99 10/5/99 9/29/99 9/1/99 8/1/99 7/1/99 6/1/99 5/1/99 4/1/99 -------------------- Abigail's Introduction

May 1, 1999

May 4
The nurse really got our hopes up that Liberty would be coming home today. Well, she's not coming home. I'm so sad when I have to leave her. She is gaining well, but she's very difficult to feed. They try to feed her 60 ml every 4 hours. She does well with the first 30 ml, then she doesn't seem to want anymore. Of course, they try to force feed her because they don't want her to be hungry again within 2 hours. I hate that! I know if I could take her home and feed her on demand she would be fine. Then she could eat as much or as little as she wants however often as she needs to.

I've been bringing Lena up to the hospital with me but she can't go inside the NICU so I have to bring my sister with me so she can stay outside holding Lena until I'm done with Liberty. It's exhausting, but I really don't want to leave her at home because I'm afraid she either won't take a bottle, or she'll take it and end up preferring it.

May 6
They told us that if Liberty gained weight she would come home today. Well, she gained weight, but now they're telling us that they've been adding some kind of high calorie stuff to her milk. They have to take her off that and if she gains weight without it, she'll come home. This is so hard. Every day this week they've told us she'd be coming home and then they changed their minds.

May 7
Finally, Liberty is home!!! It was so nice to nurse them together for the first time. I just can't believe we have two babies.

May 10
I love nursing them together. I sit on a little love seat with pillows all around me, and I strap on my breastfeeding pillow -- that helps a lot! On one end table I have a gallon of water, crackers, and peanut butter. On the other end I have apples and bananas. I have to have a stash of food in the living room because it seems like they're nursing constantly. Even if I'm not hungry or thirsty before I start, as soon as I begin I'm starving and dying of thirst. It's so weird. I've found a way to nurse them in bed so I can get some sleep too. I lay on my back with two pillows under my head, neck, and shoulders. Then, I put a little square decorative pillow under each arm. The babies kind of lay on their side half on top of me. It's so comfortable and I can go right back to sleep after they latch on. They both seem to be doing well. Liberty definitely likes to eat less at more intervals, though.

May 21
About a week ago, Liberty started having problems and had to go back into the hospital. We found out it was because her esophagus is really narrow at the bottom, so saliva and milk would pool there and just drip to her stomach instead of flowing all the way down. That pooling was leaning up against a weak spot in her trachea, which would make it hard for her to breathe. It was very scary. She went in the hospital on the 15th and Bryan, Lena, and I stayed overnight with her until the 18th when she went into the pediatric intensive care unit because she aspirated after she had surgery to dilate her esophagus and that caused pneumonia. They didn't want her to eat anything on the 18th so I took Lena home so we could both rest. Liberty is on oxygen, but she's doing much better today. They're planning to do another dilatation on the 24th. It's supposed to be an 18 hour thing, so hopefully she won't have anymore complications with it.

May 27
Liberty moved back to the regular pediatrics ward a few days ago, so Lena and I spent a couple of nights with her. It's hard to breastfeed them both up there, but I'm so glad they're letting me keep Lena up there with me. I wouldn't want to leave Liberty there alone because if she's not in PICU, she doesn't have a nurse constantly watching her. She was just in a regular room with a roommate. Then, she had another dilatation on the 24th and at around midnight she started not breathing well. They put her on oxygen, took an x ray, and found that she has a little bit of a collapsed lung. At 5:00 a.m. they sent her back to PICU and Lena and I came home. I was crying hysterically. Liberty has been home for 8 days out of the 5 1/2 weeks she's been alive. I don't know when I'm going to stop crying. I keep praying and praying. Everybody is praying. I don't know what else to do.

May 28
What a difference a day makes. Yesterday I couldn't even remember any Scripture to comfort me -- not even any verses that I've known for years. A friend of mine called today and reminded me, "He will never leave you or forsake you." That was all it took. Also, Isaiah 43:2-3, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." And as much as I love Liberty and want her to get better, God loves her even more. I can't fathom His love for us.

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