Abigail's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 10/13/02 -------------------- 4/17/02 3/15/02 2/4/02 1/15/02 9/14/01 8/16/01 7/26/01 7/20/01 7/7/01 4/17/01 4/17/01 12/5/00 10/25/00 10/14/00 7/12/00 6/21/00 6/7/00 5/31/00 5/23/00 5/17/00 5/9/00 5/3/00 4/25/00 4/19/00 4/12/00 4/4/00 3/28/00 3/22/00 3/15/00 3/7/00 2/29/00 2/28/00 2/23/00 2/15/00 2/9/00 2/4/00 2/2/00 1/26/00 1/25/00 1/18/00 1/11/00 1/4/00 12/28/99 12/21/99 12/14/99 11/1/99 10/28/99 10/21/99 10/5/99 9/29/99 9/1/99 8/1/99 7/1/99 6/1/99 5/1/99 4/1/99 -------------------- Abigail's Introduction

April 1, 1999

April 18
I began pumping every 2 hours. Bryan and I were able to see both babies, but we couldn't hold Liberty because she was on a ventilator. The doctors wouldn't let me breastfeed Lena because of the drugs from my C-section so Bryan fed her bottles.

April 19
Liberty had surgery to repair her esophagus and it went really, really well. I cried all morning. It feels like they're so far away because they're not inside anymore. It breaks my heart to leave them in their isolettes.

I nursed Lena for her 2:00, 6:00, and 10:00 feedings. She doesn't get much, but she latches on very well. When I pump, I barely get anything. One of my nurses even said, "That's all you're getting? Why bother?" That comment really crushed me. Mary (the lactation consultant) has been very supportive. Also, the nurses in the NICU keep telling me that whatever I get is great. I can't help worrying about it, though.

April 20
I came home today, but no babies came with me. Lena's temp dropped last night so she had to stay. Liberty is doing better. She's on morphine as needed. The last time she had any was 5:00 a.m. today. As long as she's on that, she'll be on the vent, so we won't be able to hold her.

I was very sad to leave them today. When I left, I was having such mixed feelings because I was glad to be leaving the hospital after 8 weeks, but very sad to be leaving my babies behind.

My milk still hasn't come in. I'm concerned, but Mary keeps telling me that it will come in. She thinks that once I start pumping at home it will help. That way, I'm more comfortable and I don't have to worry about people popping into my hospital room all the time. I hate pumping and I miss my babies.

April 22
Lena came home today and my milk still isn't in. I'm supplementing with 25 ml of formula until she seems satisfied after her feeding. I'm so scared to have her here. It's so amazing that they let me take this tiny baby home. I can't even feed her! I still have to pump so I can build up my supply for Liberty. She will be fed intravenously for a little while longer, though.

April 24
I feel much better now -- not so afraid. My milk is finally in so we don't have to supplement anymore. I thought it would never happen.

April 26
Liberty is out of her isolette, but she has a small collapsed lung. They tried to test her swallowing ability, but she coughed and sputtered and got really upset. I feel so bad for her. We still haven't been able to hold her.

April 27
The doctors found a way to test Liberty's swallowing and she does well, so they started giving her a little bit of water to see if she can tolerate it or if she has reflux too bad. I was finally able to hold her!!! As soon as she starts eating and gaining, she can come home.

April 29
I nursed Liberty today, but the nurse didn't work the scale right so we don't know if she got anything from me. I don't know how she couldn't have because she latched on really well and I have a lot of milk for her! I was so afraid of nipple confusion because she has had a pacifier for the weeks that she was being fed intravenously. She latched right on, though. I'm so happy. I can't wait until they're both home with us.

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