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Breastfeeding's Imprint on Bonding:One Mother's Story
By Laura J. Hible
Sean, on the other hand, had few qualms about demanding emotional support. Nursing offered him my assurance of love, and the safety of familiar routine. From age 2 and on, it became Sean's trademark way of checking in with me each day. Like Michael, he needed to relax after the rigors of preschool. He spent a short 20 minutes at my breast before bounding off, renewed. Additionally, he nursed to comfort himself whenever he felt unhappy or sick. Such coping skills saved us from many sleepless nights.
I have often wondered at the correlation between breastfeeding and health. Sean hardly has complaint of illness while Michael suffers from multiple ear infections, conjunctivitis and colds each winter. He may be more vulnerable to germs because he lacks the advantage breastmilk would have offered his immune system. However, breastfeeding could not help with Sean's weaknesses. As a younger brother, stitches, bumps and bruises come with the territory!
Choosing to nurse one son but not his brother has affected my relationship to them. Often, when Michael seeks attention through abrasive behavior, I must work harder to overlook his upsetting actions. His usual physical distance sometimes fuels my anger, and my personal challenge is to remember to cross the distance to him. Sean, so familiar to me physically, earns forgiveness for his transgressions far sooner as he waits for my guard to slip and then casually plops into my lap.
I also have to balance the way I share affection with my sons. Saying "I love you" and murmuring endearments come second nature with the child who leans against me and slides without effort into my lap. I have to remain aware ofthe other clear-eyed child who watches with a steady gaze from the opposite end of the couch. He, too, waits for his assurances.