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Lessons for a Generation
How Breastfeeding Impacts Older Children By Shel Franco
Seeing the beauty of breastfeeding one time can impact a life, but a family's healthy perspective on the human body is important as well.
"Children make a big deal out of things that are kept from them or things that they have seen their parents freak about," says Crystal of Jasper, Ala. "Now, we don't set out to have a daily lesson about the body parts, but when a body part is spoken about or asked about, the correct words are used, and we don't get embarrassed or act all hush-hush about it. We act as if it's not a big deal – it's just another body part with another function. If all children knew that breasts are just another body part that feeds babies and – at the age that they begin to question – [can be] pleasurable to you and your husband, then it wouldn't be such a big deal."
In the face of little to no formal research on the subject, we have to turn to our own experiences to draw our conclusions. Does breastfeeding in front of older children lead to a healthier perspective on women's breasts and breastfeeding? After hearing Tammy Durham's story, it sure looks like it. "The other day, my 16-year-old's boyfriend was over, and when I heard them come in the back door I called out, 'We're nursing!' and they came on in," says the Francesville, Ind., mother. "They walked right up to me to tell me something, and I noticed that Josh wasn't uncomfortable at all. At first, I found this strange, coming from a 16-year-old boy, standing next to a woman that was nursing – especially the mother of your girlfriend! Then I asked, 'Does your mom nurse?' [He said,] 'Yea.' That explained it!"
"I have a now 11-year-old [stepson] who was almost 10 when I had my first son, and because he was never talked to about breasts, and he freaked badly, I would actually have to leave the room to breastfeed in my own home, which was something I was willing to do for him at the time," says Crystal. "Now, with our second [baby], it was a little better ... With [my stepson], we had to take a slow approach, and hopefully the next time, he'll finally adapt to it."
When it comes to her children's friends, Crystal doesn't nurse in "public" – even in her own home – unless she has talked with the parents of the friends and they are made aware that she is a breastfeeding mother.
"When you're out in public, people can take their children away if it makes them uncomfortable, but in your private home, at least, I feel that it is a little different," she says. "I don't personally feel that it is wrong or inappropriate to nurse in front of other children. I just think the 'safe' thing to do would be to let the other parent know that you are nursing, and that it isn't something you go to the bedroom and do."
At other people's homes, Durham finds it easy to use a simply "rule of thumb."
"I find that if I nurse my little one at someone's home that has other children, I nurse without question if I know that mother nursed her children," she says. "I will ask if I know she didn't. It seems like the children that were nursed don't pay any attention to me. The other children will ask, and if they are under 5, they seem to be happy with 'That is how she feeds her baby.'"
Whether you nurse in front of your older children or not, whether you nurse in front of your children's friends or not, it's worth it to give a little thought to the unspoken message they are receiving from you about breastfeeding. As adults, we've all heard the adages "children learn by example" and "children learn what they live." That probably holds true for breastfeeding, too.
