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Frustration and the Breastfeeding Mother
By Deborah Boehle, IBCLC
Although studies focus on the technical causes of weaning -- low milk supply, sore nipples, a nipple confused baby -- the real reason many moms finally decide to call it quits is because they are frustrated beyond comprehension.
Any combination of problems can cause even a committed mother to reconsider her decision to breastfeed. Living with a baby who wants to nurse all day while your nipples are sore and you are sleep deprived is a recipe for frustration. If mothers have inaccurate information, it leads them to believe there is something terribly wrong with themselves or their babies.
"Because Max was so fussy, everybody was telling me it was what I ate," recalls Rita Hoover of Geneva, Ill. "So, I was down to the blandest diet." Agonizing over every piece of food she put into her mouth easily led Rita to become frustrated with breastfeeding. In reality, breastfeeding was going fine, but Rita was working with outdated information.
Having accurate information and a good support network are vital steps to minimizing frustration. There are very few babies who can live up to unrealistic expectations set by relatives, friends and neighbors. Most babies do not sleep through the night when they are 2 months old, nor do they coo happily for four hours between feedings. Mothers who expect this type of behavior from babies are bound to be disappointed.
On the other hand, having low expectations can cause problems also. Julie Stock, IBCLC, author of "The Breastfeeding Answer Book," says many mothers believe breastfeeding is going to be difficult for the first four to six weeks, so they live with a lot of problems that could be solved easily. These problems continue to grow until they are unbearable. "If the frustration is because of a breastfeeding problem, that has to be dealt with," advises Stock. Mothers can contact a lactation consultant in private practice or at a local hospital.
La Leche League leaders are also available in many communities around the world. "If it hurts, let's talk about how to make it not hurt," says Jen Unger Kroc, a leader in Batavia, Ill. "If she's unhappy about how it impacts her life, let's talk about that. Talk about how to nurse in public so she doesn't feel like she's stuck at home all the time. Let's help make it better for the mom."
