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Home › Articles › Breastfeeding Advocacy › Bonding Without Breasts

Bonding Without Breasts

Understanding Dad's Role in the Nursing Relationship

By Amy Carey

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You're encouraging your wife, you're scrubbing the tub, you're supplying her with glasses of water around the clock. Meanwhile, your baby is only interested in Mom. For any dad, new or seasoned, Baby's "mommy preference" can be a blow to his confidence. "I did feel left out ... it seemed like such an intimate experience that I was disappointed at not being able to participate [in nursing our baby]," says Lorenzo Citarelli, an iParenting community member and father in Rome, Italy.

But even if you don't have breasts, you can build a bond with your baby. Citarelli, for example, often burps the baby and gives an occasional bottle now that breastfeeding is well established. "I hold her as much as she will be held, talk to her, play with her, change her diapers and help in bathing her as much as I can," he says.

Paula Yount, a breastfeeding counselor and educator in St. Louis, Mo., agrees with Citarelli that Dad can take a significant role in Baby's life even though he is not feeding his child. "Babies often love to lay 'chest to chest' (skin to skin with Baby in a diaper and Dad with his shirt off), feeling the gentle strength of Dad's hands on his or her back, hearing his deeper breathing and the deep gentle timber of his voice as he speaks," she says.

Danielle Waagmeester of Aurora, Colo., says her husband loved "cashing in" on his role of the "fun and games guy" with all three of his breastfed children and always enjoys making Baby laugh. "With each one of our children, the sound of his voice or the sight of his face always provoked some of the biggest smiles, which was all the feedback he needed," she says.

If you're concerned that your role in Baby's life is not a significant one, remember that these early days – or even months – may be more "Mom focused" than the years to come. Believe it or not, the breast won't always be the center of Baby's universe.

"I think 'bonding' is what takes place in those early hours after the birth of a baby, and 'attachment' is what comes in the days, weeks, months and years after," says Yount. "Attachment is formed through interactions and through trust."

She reminds dads that the father's role is different, but is no less important. "It takes both the roles of the mother and father working together to form a solid family unit," she says. Playing peek-a-boo, singing a song or taking your baby for a walk all help to cement the foundation of one the most significant relationships in your baby's life.


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