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Bonding Without Breasts

Understanding Dad's Role in the Nursing Relationship

By Amy Carey

First and foremost, Dad's role in the nursing relationship is to support his partner's decision to breastfeed. The first hours, days and even weeks of breastfeeding can be rocky. Despite being the most natural way to feed your baby, breastfeeding does not come naturally to many women. Your wife may be sore, have difficulty getting Baby to latch onto her breast and may be bombarded with advice. If both of you know what to expect before the baby is born, you can avoid miscommunications later when emotions – and hormones – are in flux.

"Good communication is key before the baby is born and afterward," says Mary Marine, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) with a private practice in Antioch, Calif. "Before the birth, if Dad knows what Mom wants, he can be an advocate for her so that breastfeeding can get off to a good start." For example, Marine says, you can make sure Mom doesn't get too many visitors so she can take care of herself and the baby.

When no one is backing up the importance of breastfeeding, your partner may throw in the towel without giving breastfeeding a real chance. "If a new mom, who is often unsure of her [mothering] skills, feels unsupported by the one person that she confides in most – Dad – studies have shown the likelihood of her continuing to breastfeed drops dramatically," says Andrea Bass, a registered nurse and lactation consultant in Albuquerque, N.M. "This is why Dad's support is so important."

Showing support is as simple as presenting a united front when friends and family discourage nursing or when Mom is trying to nurse in public. "Dad can be supportive of Mom's decision to breastfeed by letting her know it is important to him as well as their Baby's well-being," Bass says.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to show support in a more concrete way: Nurture Mom so she can focus on feeding the baby. Offer her food and drinks, especially water. And don't forget to clean the toilet or wash a few loads of laundry.

Want to see more?

• 101 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Child
• Let's Hear it for the Human Breast! A Look at the Amazing Milk Factory
• Bonding for Life: Developing That Special Connection With Your Baby
• Talk about it!